through several pastors and evangelists, I felt conviction, inadequacy, forgotten, but at the same time, I felt loved, changed, and purposeful.
Weird, I know!
But, there was a spiritual battle going on in my heart. One
minute, I hear Satan saying things to me like “Look at all these beautiful
women. No wonder why they’re married. You don’t look half as beautiful as they
do. You’re not worth marrying”. And then the Lord whispered soon after, “My
daughter, I love you. I gave you the desire to be married, and you will be
married one day. But right now, I need to heal you. I want ALL of your heart.
And those negative thoughts…give those to me too.”
See, I was the type of person that would take one piece of
information (true or false) and make up an entire story around it. Most of the
time, I would be led by my emotions instead of the Holy Spirit. So, the Lord
knew exactly what He was talking about when He said that He wanted my negative
thoughts, and really my whole entire mind.
Back to the encounter….
I had made it all the way to the 3rd day of the
conference and at this point, so much pressure had built up inside of me. I was
like a volcano ready to erupt.
That evening, my friends and I returned to the ballroom to
hear the main speaker deliver her message. When we walked in, the ushers
directed us towards the end of the aisle, and I wanted to sit in the center of
the aisle so that I could see better! So I sat there instead (defiance) as my
friends sat at the end. I guess I thoughts they were going to sit with me, but
the seats filled up fast and now, we weren’t even sitting together (totally my
fault, but it was my breaking point). I became so frustrated! But it wasn’t
really about the seats, it was about not getting my own way… sound familiar?
I stormed out of there, just MAD…for no real reason and went
straight upstairs to our hotel room. I wanted to cry. Nothing made sense, but I
knew I was on the verge of a meltdown. I just wanted to cry like a little baby.
And after trying so hard to be strong and “mature”, I laid flat on my face
before The Lord and poured out every single emotion that was bottling up. I
couldn't carry it anymore. I had to release it all to Him.
“Truly, I say to you, unless you
turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of
heaven.”
Matthew 18:3-4
Yahweh calls us to be child-like in our faith, meaning to
trust Him in all things. See, me on the other hand, I was just being childish. There’s a difference, and getting
the two confused will have you all the way off the path that He has for you.
See, I thought that I could handle certain things on my own.
I tried to complete great things in my own strength instead of resting in God’s
mighty power. My actions showed that I thought I could do a better job without
Him.
Thank goodness for
grace, because I was so messed up mentally and spiritually.
Until this very moment of repentance and letting God wreck
me, I was operating in my flesh. And if you don’t already know, the flesh gets
weary. It’s so weak. It can only do so much, and not to mention, our flesh is
consistently, inconsistent with His word.
After worshipping, crying, screaming, and praying, God
pulled me together and told me to go back downstairs. He had something for me.
He had a message that he spoke just for me, at that specific time.
And guess where I was sitting? Alllllll the way in the back,
in the only row that was available. And yet, this was the message that spoke to
me the loudest (the irony!)
And since connecting with Yahweh through these words, my
walk with Him hasn’t been the same.
Now, I actually look forward
to my quiet time with Him. Before, I would dread it (can I just be honest?)
Before, I found myself going to God only when I needed
something. Now, I just want to sit in His presence for hours at a time.
God is not your sugar daddy, sistah! Nor is He a genie in a
bottle. He wants a relationship with you. He wants you to rely on Him for
everything. He wants your thoughts, your dreams, and your heart.
When you give Him everything that you are (and I mean give it up for real), you gain so much
more in return. Lose your life for His sake!
“For whoever would save his life
will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save
it”
Mark 8:35
I can’t even fully testify to how much I’ve gained simply by
giving all of myself to Yahweh. He continues to provide every single need
without me even asking for it. Child-like faith.
Have you ever observed a child? They literally walk around without a care in
the world. They know that mama is going to feed them at a certain time. You
don’t see them stressing about how much grocery money they’ll have this month.
All they know is that they gon’ eat! Period.
This is how we should be with God. He will feed us with
nourishment. Stressing and worrying about where the next meal will come from
only does harm to your Spirit man. Let God take care of you and rest in knowing
that He loves you beyond comprehension.
“Look at the birds of the air:
they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father
feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”
Matthew 6:26
Rest in Him, sister. You don’t have to do it all by
yourself. He is your protector and he's fighting on your behalf.
Today's Whole Food Recipe...
Sweet Jalapeño Poppers
Once a month at work, we have a potluck and my co-worker brought traditional jalapeño poppers (stuffed with cream cheese). I was expecting them to be really spicy but instead, they were just plain delicious, and full of flavor! So I had to figure out a way to make this delicacy, using all whole foods. So Sweet Jalapeno Poppers were born! Let's get right into it:
Prep Time
45 minutes-35 mins baking time
Ingredients
2 Packs of bacon (not cured in sugar- you can find it at your nearest Whole Foods Market)
10 Jalapeño peppers
2 Fresh & ripe mangos
2 Cups of Spinach
3 Large chicken sausage links (also not cured in sugar & no added fillers)
Salt Pepper
Recipe Directions
Cut your jalapeño peppers lengthwise, remove the seeds, and then rinse off the inside to get rid of any extra residue or lingering seeds.
Tip: The seeds are what make the pepper spicy, so if you want that extra kick, leave a few, but you won't want to leave them all. My personal preference is little to no spice, so I completely removed all the seeds.
Next, it's time to prepare your stuffing mixture! Cut your mangos into about an inch in length. They don't have to be perfect, the goal is just get the flesh off the seed. Set aside
Place a medium to large skillet on medium heat. Add olive oil. Remove the casing on the chicken sausage and place the meat in the skillet. With a spatula, break up the chicken sausage into small pieces until you get a taco-like kind of consistency. Cook until light brown about 5 minutes)
Add the mango pieces to the skillet and stir ingredients to together. Let the flavors infuse on the stove for another 5 minutes.
Turn the heat down to low. Add the spinach and combine for another 2-3 minutes.
Add salt and pepper to taste. Remember though, that the meat will already be seasoned so you don't have to add very much.
Tip: Make sure that you don't cook it all the way, because it will finish cooking in the oven once you stuff your peppers.
Preheat your oven, placing it on 350 degrees.
With a spoon, scoop out the stuffing and fill each jalapeño pepper half.
Cut your uncooked slices of bacon in half. Then, wrap each half-piece around a stuffed pepper.
Line a pan with aluminum foil. (This will make cleanup much easier). Place wrapped peppers on top of the foil.
Bake for 35 minutes!
And voila!........
These Sweet Jalapeño Poppers can stand alone, or you can pair them with your favorite veggie. This dish also serves as a great hors d'oeuvre when entertaining!
Give it a try and let us know how it turned out, by tagging us in your favorite social media channels below!
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Nefertari Tierra
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